When you Google LOVE, there are so many websites/advice on LOVE. I used to be one of those LOVE seekers until I got married. It was then I discovered LOVE is not a feeling but is a decision. Attraction/lust is a feeling but it is definitely not a good foundation for romance. Love is when one can look beyond the lust/attraction feeling and make a CONSCIOUS decision to accept the other party for his/her entirety.
Those Mills and Boons books describing the heart palpitation are just temporary and initial feelings when you meet someone. As you get to know a person. It is then you make the decision whether to fall IN LOVE with the person. Similarly, a divorce is also a decision to fall OUT OF LOVE with the person from the Dating website. It’s not the other party that has changed but you yourself have DECIDED not to accept the person for his/her flaws.
When lust was in place. The flaws are often pushed aside but stability or should I say monotonous sets in. The flaws start surfacing. Usually, the party the makes the conscious Love Is A Not A Feeling decision to fall OUT OF dating will find excuses for his/her conscience that things have changed or the other party has changed. But in all honesty. The person that decides to fall OUT OF LOVE, could not face up to the fact that he/she has made that conscious decision to do so and it has nothing to do with the other party.
Own Criteria for LOVE
Many people try to find love and said that they couldn’t. It is because all of us have set our own criteria for dating. Some of us want a Tall, Dark, Handsome man, Singaporean set the 5C’s criteria, men want women with big boobs/bum, etc. But did any of us prepare ourselves for what happens when this criterion disappears after a while? What do we do when our Tall, Dark, Handsome man becomes a couch potato with a potbelly. Our 5C man loses his job, our big boobs woman has a mastectomy? Do we then make the conscious decision to fall OUT OF LOVE and initiate a divorce based on irreconcilable differences?
We envy those who celebrate their golden/diamond anniversary but if we talk to these people. You will find that it’s their decision to stay together. No doubt, I know that there are many people who also decide to stay together for the sake of their children but they are not happy together. But whatever it is, it is still a decision – to fall in love, to fall out of love, to stay together but remain unhappy.
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It’s all a choice – A DECISION. So to those who can’t find love, maybe it is your decision not to, to those facing a divorce. It is also a decision either from you or your partner and to those happily married for 50 years. It is also your decision to make the best of what you have chosen. What I am saying is by all means you these websites to widen your circle, to know more people, to increase your choices but if these websites like FlirtWith.com promised to find you, love, then think twice. It is your own decision to love or not to love; no one can give you the shortcut and the secret to finding love.