Ranting about his ex? First Date Red Flags. Asking you to come back to his place to “watch Netflix and chill?” Red flag. Answering a phone call and chatting to one of his buddies in the middle of dinner for something that cannot be described as an emergency? Red flag.
But what if you’re not clued in on how to spot red flags on a first date? DateMyAge What if you keep having the wool pulled over your eyes, then finding out many dates (or even a relationship) later that the man opposite you is bad news? What if you miss the more subtle red flags on a date?
I’ve compiled every red flag you could think of into this list.
1. He’s late and he doesn’t have a good reason
First up, on first date red flags to watch out for, is punctuality. Now, there are times when you or your date will have a legitimate reason for turning up late. There might have been a family emergency. His car might unexpectedly break down or be involved in a crash. Or there might be an insane amount of unexpected traffic on the road. These are valid reasons for being late.
But unless he is physically unable to pick up the phone and send a text or call you to say he’s going to be late, it’s a red flag. If he’s going to be late by any more than 5 minutes and doesn’t think you deserve a heads-up, this shows a lack of respect and consideration for you and your time.
2. He talks about money
It’s important to talk about money and finances as you delve deeper into committing to each other. But on a first date? It’s a no-no.
If a man starts talking about how much money he makes or asks you how much you make, it’s bound to make you cringe, and for a good reason. That’s not an appropriate conversation with someone you’ve just met. It feels invasive and too much too soon.
Similarly, if a guy keeps talking about the price of everything, i.e., how expensive the wine is, how expensive his watch is, or how it’s shocking how much a loaf of bread is these days, that’s also a huge red flag. A first date is for getting to know each other, not discussing money!
3. He talks about sex
Sex is up there on first date red flags. Asking what your favorite sexual position is, how many guys you’ve slept with, bragging about how many women he has slept with, or making inappropriate references to sex.
It’s not the topic of sex that is the issue. It’s more that you’ve just met for the first time in person, and he has no idea what your comfort level is. There’s a high chance DateMyAge.com he doesn’t care and just wants to get jiggy.
Someone genuinely interested in getting to know you and wants to make you feel comfortable won’t venture into such intimate conversations on a first date.
4. He’s moving way too fast
It’s great if you instantly connect with someone on a first date and have deeper conversations about what you’re both looking for and where you see yourselves in five years. But, and this is a big but, there is such a thing as too much too soon.
If a guy starts talking about the future on a first date as though it’s already fully mapped out in his head, like where you’ll live, when you’ll get married, how many kids you’ll have, it’s a red flag.
The problem is, it can be difficult to spot this one because he might be saying all the things you want to hear! But he doesn’t know you, and you don’t know him. Don’t let yourself get carried away. Be the one to hit the brakes and tell him to slow things down.
5. He says he isn’t looking for anything serious
If you’re dating to find love and something long-term, when a man says this to you, listen. This is a clear red flag, not code for “the right woman will make me want to settle down.” Don’t assume you can change his mind.
He’s either on the rebound, enjoying casual hookups, or isn’t emotionally or financially stable. All of these are good reasons not to go on a second date.
6. He insists on ordering for you – First Date Red Flags
Red flags in dating are not always easy to spot. If a man asks you out to dinner, then proceeds to order food for both of you when the waiter walks over, your first reaction might be, “I feel like a Bond girl,” or “wow, this is a huge turn-on.” Many women do find this endearing and romantic.
It could be harmless. He might know the best dishes to order because it’s his favorite restaurant, or he might be trying to impress you. You’ll only see if it’s a red flag if you insist on ordering for yourself and he doesn’t let you. This is a sign of someone who is controlling.
7. He’s constantly checking his phone or watch
Unless the man you’re on a first date with has kids or a sick family member they are caring for and needs to check their phone or keep it close by in case of an emergency; there is no excuse for this. Checking your phone, or worse, your watch, on a first date is a major red flag. It’s just incredibly rude.
If he can’t give you his full attention the first time he meets you for a few hours, imagine what he’ll be like in the future. You might find yourself out for dinner to celebrate your wedding anniversary, and he whacks out his laptop next to the bread basket and starts a conference call.
Phones should be silent and out of sight when you’re on a date, even if you’re a married couple who have been together for years!
8. He criticizes his ex or other women – First Date Red Flags
What are red flags on a first date? Talking badly about exes, or women in general. A first date is too soon to broach the topic of exes. There isn’t a good reason to bring it up unless he’s answering a question and the answer directly involves his ex.
So if a man deems it appropriate to bring up his ex and badmouth her, friends, co-workers, or people around you, it’s not a good sign. He’s probably the kind of guy who blames others for everything and isn’t willing to take responsibility for anything. There’s also the possibility that he’s a narcissist.
Plus, first dates are meant to be light, breezy, and fun!
9. He’s rude to people – First Date Red Flags
Pay attention to how your date treats you. Is he kind? Does he listen? Is he thoughtful? Does he make you feel at ease?
But at the same time, pay attention to how he treats other people. For example, when you’re on a first date in a bar, how does he treat the bartender? Is he polite, patient, and a good tipper? Or is he rude, demanding, or condescending?
This is important because you’re not a kind person if you’re only nice to people you think you need to be nice to or can benefit from.
10. He makes fun of you – First Date Red Flags
Know the difference between an opinion, light-hearted bantering or teasing, and being offensive.
It’s okay if your date disagrees with you and has a different opinion, as long as it’s not racist or sexist, etc. It’s normal to have different views because you’re different people.
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Similarly, bantering or teasing is one of the ways that men (and some women) flirt. If it feels harmless and light-hearted and only happens once or twice, it’s probably his way of flirting. Don’t be afraid to give as good as you get and poke him back!
But if you feel offended and like he has crossed a line and gone out of his way to put you down and make you feel embarrassed or ashamed, that’s a red flag. It’s not okay, even if he says he’s joking.